Dear idiot standing directly in front of the opening doors,
We all have our pet hates. Each of them excruciating in their own right and to a completely different degree. When it comes to things I dislike, you’d hate to know the real me. Everyone that does is well aware that I complain a lot. And by a lot, I mean every living moment of the day. It’s what I do best really.
But when it comes to those things that particularly peeve me off, I could rattle at least ten things off the top of my head quicker than a flash of lightening. Yet the number one spot is a harsh win over vacuuming… and that would be people moving around in public. It’s to do with their positioning, their speed, their ignorance and laziness, their lack of care, the ugly bald spots on the back of their heads and the fact they’re constantly in your way.
You’d think that people would feel some sort of demonic presence behind them breathing eerily down their backs… but no, they don’t realise their worst nightmare, I, Ryan Auberson-Walsh, am staring at the back of their head controlling my right hand from spasming and pushing them off the side of the esculator into the retail abyss below.
“Get out of my way” has now become a common phrase that feistily tangos off my lips more than once a day. And if it doesn’t, it’s because I pity you. You stupid, young fool.
My argument comes to enshroud the group of people that insist on waddling like penguins down the centre of the bitumen, standing in the middle of the esculator, blocking the exit to an elevator, train, tram or bus. It’s simple… if you step back that one foot, or move to the side and pretend you’re in the slow lane at the swimming pool, two amazing things will happen:
1. You won’t have your feet stamped on and you won’t be crushed by a gaggle of gits emerging from said elevator, train, tram or bus, and
2. You won’t be yelled at, or worse, have a brick thrown at your head for being an inconsiderate nob.
Common courtesy has all but gone out the window… which is where you’ll be going next if you don’t shuffle to the left and let someone else apart from your backpack occupy that seat. Do you hear me?
Because the poor, frustrated, impatient ones among us sure do. I think it’s about time you all got a taste of your own medicine. Let’s go all hippie on them and fill their exhaust pipes with flowers and groceries with bowling balls…
Same principle, right? Well, not exactly, but I simply wish to see you all suffer.
It’s 12:38am and that’s all you’ll get in terms of honesty today. Love it or leave it… or simply get the hell out of my way.
Your dear raving lunatic and loather of Sydney’s CityRail system,